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stillwaiting(ForeverHopingAStoryofStillwaiting)

零距离╰ 羙感 2023-10-15 16:45:10 健康知识857

ForeverHoping:AStoryofStillwaiting

It'sbeenalongtimesinceIheardfromhim.Everyday,Icheckmyphone,hopingforamessageoracall.Butstill,Iwait.ThiswaitinggamehasbecomeadailyroutineIcan'tseemtoshakeoff.IknowdeepdownthatIshouldmoveon,butthetinyvoiceinsidemyheadkeepstellingmethathewillcomeback.So,Isitandwait.

TheBeginningoftheEnd

Itwasabreezyautumnafternoonwhenweofficiallyendedourrelationship.Webothagreedthatitwasn'tworkingout,anditwastimetomoveon.Tearsstreamingdownmyface,Ibeggedhimtoreconsider,buthewasfirminhisdecision.Ithoughtitwasjustaroughpatchweweregoingthrough,buthedidn'tthinkso.Hepackeduphisthingsandleftmestandinginthedoorway,feelinglostandalone.

Itriedcallinghim,textinghim,andevenshowedupathisdoorstep,butheneveransweredorreturnedanyofmymessages.Forweeks,Iwasinadaze,wonderingwhatIdidwrongandwhyhedidn'twanttofixthings.IfeltlikeIwasinsometwistedgame,waitingforhimtogivemeasignthathestilllovedme.

TheWaitingGame

Daysturnedintoweeks,andweeksturnedintomonths.Iwasdrowninginsorrow,stillhopingforamiracle.Icouldn'tfocusonanythingandfoundmyselfconstantlycheckingsocialmedia,lookingforanysignthathehadmovedonorwasseeingsomeoneelse.Iknewitwastoxic,butIcouldn'thelpmyself.

Timekeptmovingforward,butmyheartwasstillstuckinthepast.Ioscillatedbetweensadness,desperation,anger,andhopelessness.Somedays,Itriedtoconvincemyselfthatitwasforthebest,andotherdays,Icouldn'tstopblamingmyselfforourfailedrelationship.ItwasaviciouscyclethatIcouldn'tescape.

TheEndoftheWaitingGame

Fastforwardtotoday,it'sbeenalmostayearsinceheleft.Apartofmestillhopesthathewillcomebackoneday,thathewillrealizehismistakeandreturntome.ButIknowthat'sjustafantasy.Realityisthatwearenotcompatible,andthat'sokay.

I'vedecidedtostopwaitingandstartlivingmylife.It'snoteasy,andIstillhavemomentsofsadnessandregret,butI'mmakingprogress.I'mlearningtoletgoofthepastandembracethepresent.

Stillwaitingwillalwaysbeapartofmystory,butitdoesn'tdefineme.It'stimetomoveon,opennewdoors,andletgooftheonesthathaveclosed.Lifeistooshorttospenditwaitingforsomeoneelsetomakeyouhappy.Happinesscomesfromwithin,andI'mreadytostartbuildingmine.

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